King Harkinian
King John Harkinian (born January 2, 1955) is a fat, hairy, but jolly king. He rules all of Hyrule, including its five regions. He is also a famous character on "YouTube Poop." Life King Harkinian was born to Clythia and Leonard Harkinian on January 2, 1955. He is the oldest of their eight children. Anyway, he didn't learn to walk until he was 5, and couldn't speak until he was four (explaining why he keeps saying "for" a lot to this day). After that, his teachers were bribed into moving him from nursery school all the way to 3rd grade. However, his father was exiled for bribing teachers to allow an "imbecilic eggface" to reach the 3rd grade. From age 8 until 15, he lived with his mother, the Queen of Hyrule. He was fed to much breakfast, which disgusted him, and he ended up being overfed dinner, too. His mother died of a heart attack in 1970. Forced to live on their own, John raised his siblings and did some self-discipline, such as not eating lunch ever again and telling people to attack him. By the age of 21, he was a ready king. As he became King, he married Telda Schrob, the daughter of Impa Schrob. He then began to issue laws saying that anyone who refused their kids the right of eating dinner would be imprisoned. He also issued the PINGAS Act, or the Peaces Is Not Greatly Angering Sirs Act, meaning that a special Parliament prevented unreasonable war declarations. At age 31, Telda announced she had a child, and she was named Zelda, after her mother's planned name. He wasn't exactly a doting father; he'd often throw Triforces of Courage and attacked her whenever she expressed her freedom of speech. This was around the time King Harkinian was becoming a drunkard, so Telda hired a babysitter, her mother Impa, to aid her. She was a much more doting mother. In 1991, he hired Link to attack Ganon. Two years later, he got his revenge by capturing the King and Link. Zelda defeated him, however, and the King's way of thinking changed forever. Soon after, he ran for president of the United States, but lost to Bill Clinton, probably because of the King's lack of experience and his plans to move the capital to Flagstaff, Arizona (which is much like his home city). Defeated, he went to Hyrule and started KingPictures Co. This is the predecessor to modern YouTube Poop. In 2005, YouTube bought KingPictures Co., meaning he began to appear in YouTube Poop. By now, he earns over 9,000 Hyrule dollars a week, or just over 1,280 a day and over 50 an hour. He also likes sports and doesn't care who knows. Favorites Boi: Link Gorl: Zelda Dinner: Onions (explaining his bad breath) Game: Portal 2 Family Main Article: Harkinian Family The king has four brothers and three sisters. His mother is dead, and so is his father. He is a bachelor (or widow?) since his wife died, too. He has a daughter, Zelda. Occupation The king has a variety of jobs other than just being a king. He was also a warrior, spokesperson for the War on Lunch, creater and CEO of King Harkinian Cereal Co., and has been a policemen. Sometimes he is unemployed, and other times he is a time traveler. He is also a lawyer, a writer, an inventor, and is part of a group that works to make warriors strive for peace. He is also a shoe saleman, a mustard tester, and a drink tester. Aliases *The King *King of Hyrule *Dinner King *Mah Mon *Father *Your majesty *Your omnipotence *My liege Illegal Actions The King has been commiting crimes repeatedly. In 2008, he ended up littering his TV, running over Waldo in a street race, drunk driving, and insulting a police officer to his face. He also stole rupees, porn, dinner, and cakes. He is also former a Justin Bieber fan, meaning that if we still was, he would be fed nothing but magic balloons for the rest of his life. He also has tried to hit on Zelda and drug her (while she was a minor). Trivia *He drinks diarrhea. *His favorite color is light orange-ochre. *He tends to get drowsy when eating faeces. *One of his kidneys is smaller than the other, explaining his frequent urination problems. *He tends to attack Link and Zelda a lot. *He likes getting massages from Gwonam. *His favorite TV show is Scrubs, his favorite TV character is Kenny McCormick, and his favorite band is KISS. *Between 1990 and 1992, he actually aged backwards. This is due to serious exposure to anti-uctions. *He marketed Munf Munf until it was declared illegal. *He once actually got mumps from Munf Munf. *If combined with a Dinner Blaster or a Dinner Blaster v2, he becomes very powerful. *He once oah'd Duke Onkled. *He has a serious obsession with cereal and spider meat. *He once accidentally attacked Barack Obama. *He can swim for months without stopping. *He sometimes peeps into Princess Toadstool's door to see what she's doing. This is a very anti-uctiony thing to do. *He hates meme replacement. *He got tired of Mah Boi and dinner a long time ago. *He has a wheat allergy, yet he eats a lot of wheaty things like dough and toast. *He likes passing gas. *He eats chocolate egg, but when Link ate his egg, he imprisoned him. *He has traveled into the future, the past, the 5th dimension, Hell, heaven, and the Earth. *He eats a lot of antacids to explode his anus. *He rubs his butt on the floor like a dog. *He kisses dogs. *He hates Bill Clinton for winning his election. *He often watches porn whenver he's on a computer. *He has AIDS, but the HIV is dead, meaning his blood is a cure for AIDS. *He has the power to shoot energy balls out of his hands. *He can see the second dimension of time. *He will be killed by Fari in 2015. *He licks people who hate him. It would be cool if he were a dog or a cat, but this is just disgusting! *Do not eat his dinner. He will kill you if you do. Sometimes he will eat your gonads if you do. *If he eats Reece's Pieces, he will go crazy. *He has made multiple attempts to create and capitalize from cereal, but most have failed. *He seems to have made an enemy with Mario Head. *Gnorris once gave him AIDS. *He once thought he was Billy Mays. *If you make him really angry, he will pull out his pingas Dinner Blaster and attack everyone in the room. *He starred in every YouTube Poop video game to date. *He is very conflicted on whether or not he likes his boy. *He once grew so huge he ended up eating Link. *He has been repeatedly killed, but he kept escaping the pit to come back to life. *He once had a gay affair with Link. *He is a Brony. *He got trapped in I.M. Meen's book, in which he met a fairy and ate it. *He has constant arguments with Mario characters. *He created the role-playing game "Morshu" starring Morshu. Quotes *"Mah boi, this peaces is what all true warriors strive for!" *"Hmm, how can we help?" *"Zelda, Duke Onkled is under attack by the evil forces of Ganon. I'm going to Gamelon to aid him." *"I'll take the Triforce of Courage to protect me. If you don't hear from me in a month, send Link." *"Enough. My ship sails in the morning. I wonder what's for dinner?" *"You saved me!" *"After you scrub all the floors in Hyrule. Then we can talk about mercy. Take him away!" *"Oah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Category:Kings Category:Royalty Category:Harkinian Category:Zelda's Family Category:Morons Category:Mentally Unstable Category:Characters Category:Alchoholics Category:Bisexuals Category:Druggies Category:U.S. Presidents Category:Memes Category:The King's Family Category:Species Unknown Category:Cyborgs Category:Cops Category:Cannibals Category:Actors Category:People Who Escaped the Pit